|
[12 Feb 2009|10:39pm] |
|
as it turns out, i think i've lost my mind. and i dont like it much. being in emotionally turmoil fucking blows.
|
|
|
[05 Feb 2009|10:38am] |
I'm in the library before class because i have to come early just to get a parking spot and thought i'd make an update.
I am going to job hunting tomorrow during the day and i'm going to try my best to avoid the mall. hopefully i'll find a CNA job where i can acutally make a decent amount of money because i am so tired of not using my license and having $8 an hour jobs. When i had worked at places like Old Navy and Stop and Shop i felt like they werent even worth my time and effort. I guess maybe i should get off my high horse and just be happy that i might find a job, but i really dont want to work at places like that anymore. i loved my old job at the flower shop but i really didnt feel safe there and after i cut my thumb open they were really hard on it about it and i began to hate it and it was all down hill from there. i made decent money but it wasnt really worth the fact that i might have to pay into taxes for 2008 now. i really hope i dont have too.
So far i am not so sure how i feel about school. i mean its alright and all but i now remember why i wanted to skip geometry in high school.
valentines day is coming up and i am definatly less than excited about it. i hate valentines day and this is going to be the first year that i am not stuck in a flower shop selling roses to dead beat boyfriends and husbands. i dont like valentines day and plus i am alone so that just makes the whole lovey dovey holiday that much worse to endure. Grandma is going to be really sad and i am going to feel just awful, i usually buy her something nice but this year i dont have any money too and i feel bad about it. Valentines day is her anniversary with my grandpa and i know she misses him more than anything in the world. she usually doesnt talk about missing him but talks about good memories she has with him, but for the past week or so shes been talking about how much she misses him and how she will be with him soon. =[
i miss rob a lot.
|
|
|
[01 Feb 2009|10:59pm] |
everything is going so be just fine.
because it has to be.
but, i really want it all to hurry the fuck up.
|
|
|
[31 Jan 2009|02:08pm] |
Valentines day is slowly creeping up and i'm not happy about it. Every year even when i had a boyfriend Valentines Day was never good or fun, i also usually worked all day since ive been a florist since i was 16/17. This will be the first year that im not working on Valentines Day making beautiful bouquets of flowers for happy couples that love each other.
Its depressing for me. I mean I think I'm a pretty decent person and I know I'm at least good looking. I'm not a huge bitch and I bend over backwards for everyone I love. But, I guess all that doesnt really matter and I'm gonna be spending another Valentines Day alone.
At least I'll have Max, he's better than any boyfriend could be anyways, because he loves me no matter what my hair looks like in the morning.
|
|
|
[27 Jan 2009|12:40am] |
ALRIGHT ALRIGHT!
my 18 month old son gave my a concussion by bashing me in the head with a heavy picture frame (which his picture was in). He then headbutted me in the nose and i thought i fractured it. I have this awful cough and runny nose that won't go away. i have pink eye. i also have a UTI. My boyfriend that broke up with me about 1 week and a half ago isnt crawling back to me. i feel like i lost 2 friends whom i loved. I feel a sense of abandonment. i just started college. and it feels like 2009 started off with the shitiest luck ever.
and.... i spent my entire day in the ER and had to have a catscan to make sure i wasnt bleeding from the brain. oh yeah, the nurse laughed when i told her how i got the concussion.
COOL!
|
|
|
[18 Jan 2009|11:54pm] |
hey heartbreak,
whats going on? i almost forgot what you were like.
please dont stay too long this time, i know you dont mean too but, you usually overstay your welcome.
I know we are old friends but, i wouldnt mind not hearing from you again for the rest of my life.
but i know that wont happen no matter how many time i change my phone number.
well, since you are here, lets try to make the best of it (?)
sincerly,
Marissa
p.s.
nothing personal heartbreak, but i dont like what youve done with your hair.
|
|
|
[13 Dec 2008|05:39pm] |
sometimes i really just want to punch every fucking person that pisses me off until you cant make out their faces anymore.
=]
|
|
|
[02 Dec 2008|05:03pm] |
So. its been an awesome november! but HAPPY DECEMBER!!!
I signed up for EMT classes starting in february. i dont see the REAL point of me going to college yet since i dont know what i want to do and wasting all that money i dont have. I like gore (as long as its not my own), i'm already a CNA, and i know how to do CPR and all that already, so what the hell i'll try it and maybe get to drive an ambulance out of it.
my past few weeks have been pretty awesome despite one really lame fight between me and my aunt, things still arent right between us. they probably wont be for a looooong time, i'm not going to forgive that easily woman!!
last night i went to somers with Rob and had coldstone strawberry blonde and it was amazing! we ate beef jerky and we're manly together! much fun.
rhonda and i went kind of christmas shopping, ate pizza and did our usual thing. ash came up and hung out. saw kelly and alex. umm... ate mad turkey and mashed potatoes.
oh yeah. MONIKAS SISTER IS IN LABOR!!! SO EXCITED! im waiting by the phone.
life is good nigga.
|
|
|
[12 Nov 2008|03:26pm] |
i like the cold, but i don't like how its getting cold so fast.
i always thought there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and i guess i was right =]
stuff is sweet.
|
|
|
[11 Nov 2008|04:11pm] |
i played pool last night for the first time in so long. i missed it so much. i remember rhonda and randy teaching me how to play the right way and to get "right on the balls." those were good times.
i went to see Rob last night in purdys. except i went in the complete opposite direction and ended up in hopewell junction. what the fuck type of place is named hopewell junction? so 1 1/2 later i made it to purdys when it shouldve only taken 20 minutes. lammmeee...
I met Rob's best friend and they were hilarious together.
i'm crazy about him.
Max said "i love you" to me! i dont really think he knows what it means but thats just fine with me, it still made my life.
the flower shop is really slow today but its nice to have a slow day every once in a while.
i hope there are some more good shows coming up because i want to go to a show or two worth going to.
|
|
| i talk too much to myself |
[06 Nov 2008|04:27pm] |
i'm pretty sure that "Am I Wrong" has become the rival for my favorite Brand New. Lets see if "Play Crack The Sky" will prevail.
i am so happy with my life right now. everything is going amazingly.
no complaints, i feel like there is smooth sailing up ahead =]
<3 love you all.
p.s.
YEAH OBAMA!!!
|
|
|
[04 Nov 2008|10:30pm] |
i've gots a boyfriend.
and he's real cute.
and i'm happy.
life is sweet.
(whaddup double dates with rhonda and justin)
|
|
| happy halloween!!! |
[31 Oct 2008|04:56pm] |
THE MISFITS SHOW WAS SO MUCH FUN!
ANGELAS CURSE DID SO AWESOME!!! I was so happy for them.
i got home so late and today has been like eons long for me. ive been awake 6 am. i got home around 3 am.
life is sweet.
<3333
|
|
|
[28 Oct 2008|10:36am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the rolling stones- cant always get what you want |
] |
i'm pretty sure life is fucking sweet.
it doesnt matter that im behind in a couple bills, or that i havent really slept more than 10 hours combined in a week, or that i have no appetite. I am still in love with life right now. its weird, to finally know happiness. and i dont want it to stop ever. peace is finally revolving my life and my goals. i love it so much.
this weekend consisted of some sweet SAW V action. fucking amazing!!! some texas taco lovin! and some sweet new york state family togetherness!
i went to woodstock in new york. it was the sweetest little town ever!! everyone was wither skating down the street or walking and everyone loves rock and roll and eats indian food and drinks coffee. all the little shops sell vinyls and pride themselves on peace love and the pursuit of happiness. i swear they all smoke madddd weed. It was like this little town was cut off from the rest of the world. Not one person i saw didnt have a piercing or tattoo. i love how open minded it was. i think i'll ask rhonda and monika if they want to take a little road trip up there with me before it gets too chilly out.
after woodstock i went to amsterdam new york to see my family. i got to see my cousin mikey who i havent chilled with for a few years. i swear hes so fucking awesome. we decided it would be a good idea to play drinking games with our aunt/cousin thomaura. it was hilarious! all of us so drunk. i started getting really bad because i ate scallops for dinner drank 2 beers and then had some red wine and drank 8 more beers. im sure you wouldve guessed by now that my face was in the toliet. i asked mikey if he wanted to go for a walk so i can try to walk off a bit of the drunk, but all i did was throw up in the street and he took care of me and checked on me during the night. ha ha he is so awesome and at some point in the night he was rapping at me. apparently he raps even though his favorite band is new found glory. go figure.
thomaura's son luke is 2 months older than max and they played together and it was so cutttteee!!! im so happy i went even though i was throwing up for a good part of the night.
the next day my aunt, max, and i went to saratoga. this cute little town full of shops. we had such a fun time.
|
|
| sleeping aides and razorblades, tear stained pictures of younger days |
[23 Oct 2008|11:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amazing |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the exploding hearts |
] |
so i'm pretty much in love with the cure, rancid, the star spangles, afi, and the libertines right now. <3 x ten thousand
Down in Albion
They're black and blue
But we don't talk about that
Are you from 'round here?
How do you do?
I'd like to talk about that
Talk over
Gin in teacups
And leaves on the lawn
Violence at bus stops
And the pale thin girl with eyes forlorn
Gin in teacups
And leaves on the lawn
Violence in dole queues
And the pale thin girl behind the checkout
BABYSHAMBLES!!
Anyways i have been writing a lot lately and i feel so great about it. i love art, writing and expressing my inner being. plus, i'm hilarious! so what i can lose?! i totally wrote some song lyrics and a couple tutorials. now all i need to do is play guitar and i swear i'm the second elliot smith (okay maybe not, but a girl can dream)
|
|
|
[21 Oct 2008|09:53am] |
i always feel like when things are shitty, or just when situations sucks for a short period of time, i always feel like i need a change. i can't tell you how often i keep changing things. when i got put in awkward situations that i really don't want to deal with or be in, i change something. however, its never what i should be changing. when i was sad i went and got myself a new piercing or i spotanteously went and got ink. its ridiculous. why do i change physical apperances when things suck? i razored and changed my hair color because i was tired of stuff. i guess its just easier to look in the mirror and have a close to immediate change? i defiantly like changing things up, don't get me wrong, change is good, but the last time i changed what type of person i was, was when i was pregnant. i became more mature, more openminded, and less blindsided. i have changed slightly since then, but i love myself and don't think i need a change in myself, but just physical stuff.
i dont know im dumb. this doesnt make any sense. i cant really complain about my life because i like it and things arent really ever so bad that i can't deal with them. i just deal with them in different ways, like going for a ride or doing some art and let the creative juices flow. what i am getting to with this, is that i want to change my room around because i feel it needs a change. i'm 20, living at home, with a baby. why do i feel this way? maybe its just normal. i don't know, but what i do know is that it's gonna be a change. i always feel like i have to surprise myself and challenge myself by being creative and battling myself and testing my limits. i want to get school stuff organzied and i feel like i might be disappointing myself by throwing myself into things. i have to go to school and i always wanted to go to college. so i am most deifnatly going to go and i cant waste anymore time.
i dont know why i wrote this. i'm not upset, things dont suck, i love my life and i'm jsut retarded for writing this entry.
love you. bye
|
|
| chelseas car sucks! |
[17 Oct 2008|03:59pm] |
|
i hate chelsea's car!
my boss convined me to go get food because she said that i should eat since i was stuck here until 6 (which is everyday so its nothing new), so i went. I was coming back up west st in danbury which is a very busy road and the car ran out of gas. Her jeep ran out of gas! it was probably the gnarliest(?) car ive ever driven in my life. it was a monster. i'm a small girl and that car was not a small girl! so it runs out of gas and the emergency brake is broken so i pop it into 1st so that it stalls and i dont roll back and kill myself. I get out and when i havea good grip on the car i pop it into neutral and push it UP A HILL! i wasnt making much progress but i sure was trying. Then these two guys in a mitchell oil truck are just chillin there at the red light and just stare at me and so i turn and ask them if they drive standard so that they could possibly help me and turns out they dont. i was disappointed because two big burly men should know how to drive standard especially if they drive trucks. Anywho, i put it back in 1st so that i dont lose my toes by her monster tire and i turn around and there is the creepiest, craziest, looking man ever. he looked like the guy that said "rudd" in pet semetary. no lie. so the crazy hick guy helps me push the car since he has a jeep too and we get it to the side of the road and then he offers me a ride, i said no thanks and walked back to work. i call chelsea and told her what happened. OH BEFORE I FORGET! HER GAS GAUGE IS BROKEN SO I'M NOT A BIG DUMBASS! JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE. Mike, my driver, and i go to get gas to put in her car. when i try to start it the ignition comes out. then chelsea sows up and absolutely positively knows that the car didnt run out of gas because she put 1.6 gallons in it and it shouldve gone for another 13 miles. BULLSHIT! i drive standard, it did run out of gas. i know how to drive a car. she gets in, it works, and i go back to work.
it was hilarious, i really wasnt even mad. it was just utterly ridiculous. there was more to the story about getting the gas but i dont really want to go through all of that right now. so enjoy my story about all the really ridiculous things that happen to me on the daily.
love you.
|
|
| stolen from alex white! |
[11 Oct 2008|11:19am] |
Rules:
1) comment and ask me to interview you 5 questions that i make up.
1) How has becoming a mother made who you are change/grow/whatever?
being a mother has made my life change in almost every way. it has also made me grow into a more mature, nuturing, sensible person. everything i do is for max and every decision i make is effected by max. i dont do stupid things anymore because of him, and i want to be the best mother possible so to do so i have to be the best person possible. he made my life change for the absolute better because who knows what road i was going down without him
2) Do you have any secret crushes on strangers, hm?
ha ha ha yes! its like a lame celebrity crush, even though he's from bethel and i know we wil never even actually talk to each other, he's fun to admire from a distance
3) What is the sexiest thing a person could do?
take control of the situation!! and bite their bottom lip
4) The last time you cried, what was it about?
actually i hardly ever cry but the past couple days i had a little cryfest. it was because i was bitter about being left alone to take care of max without his help in the minimal way
5) Do you get along with your parents?
i do get along with my parents. i didnt before i had max but since ive had him we get along very well. i think they are the best parents in the entire world for all that they do for me and max and all the effort they put in to make me feel like im doing the right thing and the way they make our lives the best they can be.
|
|
|
[09 Oct 2008|01:27pm] |
Now I’m home for less than twenty-four hours
That’s hardly time to take a shower
Hug my family and take your picture off the wall
Check my email, write a song and make a few phone calls
Before it’s time to leave again
I’ve got one hand on the steering wheel, one waving out the window
If I’m a spinster for the rest of my life
My arms will keep me warm on cold and lonely nights
who doesnt love kimya dawson?!
p.s.
i think i love myself too much.
|
|
| i've decided i like whiskey sours |
[09 Oct 2008|09:32am] |
|
monika, chelsea, and jess dragged me to icon last night and i looked ridiculous. i was wearing my bright pink slippers that look like wannabe uggs but theyre actually cute and a jean skirt, but im always okay with looking like a moron, maybe its because i love myself. Anywho, we were hanging out with the manager and getting free drinks. i had five whiskey sours and i was gone! and while i was there jeremiah and dave farmer decided to talk to me. i really didnt know what to say. i really thought that we just didnt talk to each other anymore, i thought it was just one of those understood things. i saw someone standing really close to me and i look to my side and its jeremiah giving my the middle finger and then he just started talking to me. i was pretty baffled. we hung out with monikas cousin and hes a lot of fun. ummm... i dont like icon, i just like free underage drinking! i dont understand why anyone who is over 21 would go there because its all underage kids, there was someone who turned 18 last niht partying
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xpatchworkdollx's journal